Dear Patricia Marie,
I'm being humiliated by my married lover. We are both fifty years old, work together and have been having an affair for the past few months. He hardly ever takes me out, preferring to come to my flat where we always end up sleeping together. Everyone in the office knows about us - his wife is the only one who doesn't. But now he has started to see a much younger colleague. He takes her out for drinks most evenings after work and I'm sure they are sleeping together, even though he denies it. As well as having to endure the most dreadful atmosphere in the office, I am now getting lots of amusement, pity, and total lack of respect from other members of staff, which I can't bear. Please help me, as I don't know what to do.
Patricia Marie says...
When people function in their own little world at work, married colleagues may not seem very married, but the reality is, they are. Serious involvement with such a person means a relationship that is either very limited or very complicated. Nevertheless, there are times when those meet within the work place, and against the odds secure a happy ending - after all, we can't always help who we fall in love with. However, in your case, I'm sorry to say, your married lover sounds like a Casanova.
Some people are serial lovers and not happy unless they make regular conquests. They attract the vulnerable with their flattery and charm and once the thrill of the chase is over, become bored and then go on to search for their next victim. This must be painfully obvious to your colleagues who are able to see right through him, hence, the tension you are feeling at work. Naturally, now that your your lover is paying attention to another woman you are feeling angry and betrayed. But a man who can cheat on his wife, can cheat on his lover too. Remember that very true saying; 'when a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy'.
This man has never made any proper commitment to you and his latest escapade should come as no surprise. Do not continue to feed his ego for a minute longer by showing you care. Instead, retrieve your dignity by finishing with him. As well as helping to regain the trust and respect of your co-workers, it will enable you to draw a line on this dysfunctional relationship. By putting up with the way this man has been treating you, clearly indicates you are suffering from low self-esteem. I strongly advise you to embark on some counselling sessions which could help empower you to meet someone else worthy of you.
Patricia Marie, our Agony Aunt, wants to hear your problems, dilemmas, and quarrels. Just email them to patricia.marie@lady.co.uk