FIRST IMPRESSIONS: JULIAN CLARY
What are you working on?
I’m rehearsing for the next leg of my tour, Position Vacant: Apply Within, which starts in the middle of April, in Norwich. Then I’m going to Jersey… all the places I didn’t get to on my last tour.
When were you at your happiest?
I get happier as I get older. So I’d have to say, today I’m happier than yesterday, and so it goes on. Each decade, you have less to worry about.
What is your greatest fear?
The decline of my oldest dog, Valerie, who is 14. There’s nothing wrong, but she is old and deaf and not the sprightly thing she was a few years ago.
What is your earliest memory?
I was about four, and I was running around the outside of the flat where we lived, when I ran into an open window and hit my head. I ran into the house and my mother screamed when she saw blood pumping out of my head. She was wearing a pinny at the time, and she covered my head with it.
Who has been your greatest influence?
My mother. That is where I get my sense of humour from, and my desire to rock the boat.
What do you most dislike about yourself?
I can lapse into periods of doom and gloom. It doesn’t last very long, sometimes 20 minutes, but it recurs and I wish it wouldn’t.
What is your most treasured possession?
In my hallway I have a wooden box, and inside are Fanny the Wonderdog’s ashes – I give them a little pat every time I pass them.
What trait do you most deplore in others?
Prejudice and bigotry, and ignorance, which are maybe all the same thing. It’s very tiresome. Do you have a fantasy address? Windsor Castle. I hadn’t imagined the Queen being in residence, though. Just me and my family and friends.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I have liver spots on the back of my hands that are very ageing. I think you can have them bleached out but I really can’t be bothered.
What is your favourite book?
The Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie by Muriel Spark. As well as being a jolly good read, it gives me a kind of philosophy for life, about being la crème de la crème, and the benefi ts of being an individual.
What is your favourite film?
Gone With The Wind. I love the fact that it’s on for four hours.
What is your favourite record or piece of music?
It’s probably Mary Schneider yodelling the classics. It’s very cheerful and clever at the same time.
What is your favourite meal?
Well, for lunch, I had mozzarella cheese and wilted spinach with red peppers on rye bread. It was just a snack but I was so hungry that it was absolutely divine.
Who would you most like to come to dinner?
So many people. I wouldn’t invite only people I like, which isn’t to say I don’t like the following. I’d have Joan Collins, Prince Harry, Ethan Hawke, Fay Weldon and Christopher Biggins.
Which historical character do you most admire?
Joan of Arc. I like a nice fierce woman.
What is the nastiest thing anyone has said to you?
‘You’re not funny.’ A hideous heckle in a nightclub, when on stage trying to be just that.
What is your secret vice?
Milk chocolate.
Do you write thank-you notes?
I do, of course. I was brought up properly.
Which phrase do you most overuse?
‘Bona, which means good. It is part of the secret gay language of the forces.
What single thing would improve your quality of life?
To have my own private park, to walk the dogs in.
What would you like your epitaph to read?
On my gravestone I’d like it to say ‘At last, a hole that fits’.
Julian Clary’s tour, including Colston Hall in Bristol on 15 May, runs until 2 June: www.julianclary.co.uk
I’m rehearsing for the next leg of my tour, Position Vacant: Apply Within, which starts in the middle of April, in Norwich. Then I’m going to Jersey… all the places I didn’t get to on my last tour.
When were you at your happiest?
I get happier as I get older. So I’d have to say, today I’m happier than yesterday, and so it goes on. Each decade, you have less to worry about.
What is your greatest fear?
The decline of my oldest dog, Valerie, who is 14. There’s nothing wrong, but she is old and deaf and not the sprightly thing she was a few years ago.
What is your earliest memory?
I was about four, and I was running around the outside of the flat where we lived, when I ran into an open window and hit my head. I ran into the house and my mother screamed when she saw blood pumping out of my head. She was wearing a pinny at the time, and she covered my head with it.
Who has been your greatest influence?
My mother. That is where I get my sense of humour from, and my desire to rock the boat.
What do you most dislike about yourself?
I can lapse into periods of doom and gloom. It doesn’t last very long, sometimes 20 minutes, but it recurs and I wish it wouldn’t.
What is your most treasured possession?
In my hallway I have a wooden box, and inside are Fanny the Wonderdog’s ashes – I give them a little pat every time I pass them.
What trait do you most deplore in others?
Prejudice and bigotry, and ignorance, which are maybe all the same thing. It’s very tiresome. Do you have a fantasy address? Windsor Castle. I hadn’t imagined the Queen being in residence, though. Just me and my family and friends.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I have liver spots on the back of my hands that are very ageing. I think you can have them bleached out but I really can’t be bothered.
What is your favourite book?
The Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie by Muriel Spark. As well as being a jolly good read, it gives me a kind of philosophy for life, about being la crème de la crème, and the benefi ts of being an individual.
What is your favourite film?
Gone With The Wind. I love the fact that it’s on for four hours.
What is your favourite record or piece of music?
It’s probably Mary Schneider yodelling the classics. It’s very cheerful and clever at the same time.
What is your favourite meal?
Well, for lunch, I had mozzarella cheese and wilted spinach with red peppers on rye bread. It was just a snack but I was so hungry that it was absolutely divine.
Who would you most like to come to dinner?
So many people. I wouldn’t invite only people I like, which isn’t to say I don’t like the following. I’d have Joan Collins, Prince Harry, Ethan Hawke, Fay Weldon and Christopher Biggins.
Which historical character do you most admire?
Joan of Arc. I like a nice fierce woman.
What is the nastiest thing anyone has said to you?
‘You’re not funny.’ A hideous heckle in a nightclub, when on stage trying to be just that.
What is your secret vice?
Milk chocolate.
Do you write thank-you notes?
I do, of course. I was brought up properly.
Which phrase do you most overuse?
‘Bona, which means good. It is part of the secret gay language of the forces.
What single thing would improve your quality of life?
To have my own private park, to walk the dogs in.
What would you like your epitaph to read?
On my gravestone I’d like it to say ‘At last, a hole that fits’.
Julian Clary’s tour, including Colston Hall in Bristol on 15 May, runs until 2 June: www.julianclary.co.uk