FIRST IMPRESSIONS: HRH MONTY WINDSOR, CORGI

Twelve years ago Emma (one of the Queen’s corgis) had a special litter of two black, white and red pups: Linnet and MONTY. The Queen kept Linnet and gave Monty as a 100th birthday present to her mother. As far as we know, he is the only corgi who can write…

What are you working on at the moment?

Becoming a mascot for one of Mumsy’s nice Guards regiments, so I’ve been doing lots of marching and making sure one’s coat looks really well brushed. I love the Guards. They are very good at changing.

When were you at your happiest?

When we got that huge, corgi-shaped cake for Prince William and Catherine’s wedding. Num, Num, Num…

What is your greatest fear?

Princess Anne’s dogs. Very scary indeed.

What is your earliest memory?

The first summer at Balmoral when the sun shone and we went for lovely long walkies by the river. The grass is really springy under one’s paws, so there’s lots of running around going ‘boing, boing, boing, wuf’.

Who has been your greatest influence?

Well, it must really be Brian May. Mumsy just loves it when he stands on top of one of her palaces and plays her song on his guitar. I’d love to have a really fluffy coat like his. We all love Strictly Come Dancing and his wifey is just loovely.

What do you most dislike about yourself?

One isn’t very good at sharing and so if there are treats or Mumsy throws a nice stick, one finds it hard not to eat all the treats or whine if Vulcan or Willow gets the stick (Vulcan is pretty swift on those paws).

What is your most treasured possession?

My teddy bear. Well, he is not a bear at all, actually – he is a sheep. His name is Hamish MacSporran, but Mumsy just calls him Mac. We corgis are herding dogs really and one just loves herding MacSporran around the corgi room.

What trait do you deplore most in others?

Not sharing. If Holly gets nice num nums she must share them and it isn’t fair if one of the dorgis doesn’t let me play fetch. (Why are dorgis so fast at running? My poor hips.)

Do you have a fantasy address?

One loves being called ‘Your Royal Corginess’, which is how the footmen address one when Mumsy is not around… does that count as a fantasy address?

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

What is there to dislike about a tri-coloured corgi of Royal lineage! One must be brushed properly before going out and one has very delicate paws, so one wears little rubber booties to protect them against ouchy gravel – they must be nice and clean or one whines.

Monty ‘paws’ over Harry books and barks along to songs from The Lion King

What is your favourite book?

Harry The Dirty Dog. One hasn’t read if for ages, but it was a nice book.

What is your favourite film?

The Lion King. We corgis love to sing (well, bark) along with the songs.

Your favourite record or piece of music?

Oh, anything by Bark. Probably the start of the St John Passion.

Your favourite meal?

Chuck steak and gravy.

Who would you most like to come to dinner?

Pudsey the Dog from Britain’s Got Talent. Monty would love to have a bowl of kibble with Pudsey.

Which historical character do you most admire?

Noble (Queen Victoria’s dog). Noble by name and by nature. Mumsy tells us all about him when we visit his grave at Balmoral.

What is the nastiest thing anyone has ever said to you?

Probably whatever it was Prince Philip said when he sat on the chair after one’s little accident. He didn’t need to say such nasty words, for one is an old corgi. Sometimes one can’t get down from a chair in time.

What is your secret vice?

Scones… Mumsy always gets fresh scones made by the nice chef and she crumbles them up and they are just scrummy.

Do you write thank-you notes?

One’s private secretary does that. Mumsy insists on good manners.

Which phrase do you most overuse?

Wuf (it’s just woof but in a Barkshire accent).

What single thing would improve the quality of your life?

If Eric the Cat on Matt were to be on the front cover of The Lady. I always turn to Eric’s column first just to get a glimpse of the elegant cat. I even started an online petition, but Mr Warren took no notice.

What would you like your epitaph to say?

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

You can follow Monty on Twitter @Royal_Corgi